When I started this blog, I had absolutely no intentions of sharing parenting advice…or any type of advice for that matter. As a matter of fact, I’m kind of funny about advice. To my knowledge, I don’t offer it unsolicited and I sometimes get sassy when it’s given to me that way.
But, for today, I’m in an advice giving mood. I’m not sure what’s gotten me on this here high horse. It might have something to do with the fact that I managed to brush the dog and my teeth this morning. Or maybe it’s because I’m feeling a little cocky about my parenting skills…Brooks can now “pound it” and use the word “holla” appropriately in a sentence. So here I am, itching to share some wisdom with the 4 people that read this blog. Now I just have to think of something really wise.
First, I think all parents should become very familiar with the Laura Numeroff series. You know, the books about giving pancakes to pigs and cookies to mice. I think they speak volumes about the way toddlers “work”. For instance, if you give my son a blueberry, he’ll want 87 more. If you give him 87 more, he’ll feed 86 of them to the dog, then cry because they’re all gone. If he cries because they’re all gone, he’ll want to be distracted. If you distract him with crackers (pronounced “goggles”), he’ll want one for each hand. When he has a goggle for each hand, he’ll give one to the dog…. You catch my drift.
Second, I am a firm believer in a little something called “reverse psychology”. For instance, if I want Brooks to eat something and he knows it, I can guarantee he won’t eat it. So, instead, I put things on my plate and act all cool and nonchalant, like, “oh, I guess you can have some of this high protein, organic, flax oatmeal I just whipped up. It’d be a pity to have to share this nutritious goodness with you, but I will if I have to”. Then, it’s gone in 10 seconds. This technique also works on husbands. (Also, could you tell I was trying to impress you with that bit about organic, flaxxy oatmeal? Other mornings, he has Eggos.)
Another trick for getting toddlers to eat…the always successful, “Take a dinosaur/superhero/bulldozer bite” trick. Any extreme noun will usually do. Brooks will eat just about anything if I ask him to take a “batman bite”. I would think this would work for girls if the bites were “fairy princess”, or “Barbie”, or something like that. Honestly I have no idea.
My last piece of parenting advice: don’t listen to much parenting advice. Every child is so crazy different, what worked for one child probably won’t work for yours. Now, I bet you’re wishing I hadn’t put that at the end of this post. That would have saved you all the time and effort of reading my other advicelets, right? Yeah, I planned it that way.